RDLeslie

I like plants. I always have. I enjoy the idea of growth and potential and nurturance and all the things that plants can represent for us. I’ve had plants in every home I’ve lived in; in every classroom I’ve taught in. I started a veggie garden with my most vulnerable students. I’d send those students off with propagated mint when they graduated so they could continue to see growth – in nature and in themselves.

The other day, a neighbour asked me just how many houseplants I might have and I really had no idea. So I took a quick count. 42. I have 42 houseplants and I love them all.

Recently, I’ve been noticing a leaf turning lighter and lighter and yesterday morning, I saw this brown and yellow leaf – clearly dying. I was upset. I was pretty sure I was killing it – that somehow I had neglected it or done the wrong thing – overwatered it or underwatered it or that our house just wasn’t the right place for it. ​

But as I inspected it more closely, I saw why the outer leaf was falling away. New growth. There’s a beautifully fragile new leaf growing up in this plant’s centre and all its precious resources are going into this growth. The outer leaf falling away is making room for the new. It’s a long-haul project, not short-term.

Growth can sometimes appear to be loss – and sometimes we do in fact lose something. But there is beauty in this process. And it’s not always something that you’ve done wrong or something you haven’t done at all. Sometimes growth is inevitable – in spite of you.

And sometimes we become of this growth simply by shifting our perspective, even just a touch.

So for many, many people, a typical pre-pandemic day might have included:

• having your morning coffee,
• taking a shower,
• getting dressed,
• prepping the kids,
• dropping them off at school or daycare,
• driving to work,
• staff meetings, work calls, creating, or teaching,
• lunch break,
• an afternoon slump & coffee,
• driving home from work (hoping there’s no traffic),
• don’t forget to pick up the kids,
• then your evening routine – homework, supper, baths and bedtime.
• …lather, rinse, repeat

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Some of us had been working a 9-to-5 office job or teaching for many, many years. Up until early last year, most of us knew the route to work by heart and could likely drive it with our eyes closed (although that’s not advised). Our kids had their breakfast preferences and we knew they needed to eat something before starting a busy day of learning and socializing at school! We knew what day staff meetings were on and could anticipate where we’d sit during our lunch hour.

My husband and I had the good fortune of working from home prior to the pandemic so a lot of those routines didn’t necessarily apply. But still, we relied heavily – either consciously or subconsciously – on the routines we did have: walking our kids to school, knowing what time our weekly staff check-ins were, and knowing the kids would be expecting me to pick them up at 2:30pm on the dot. No matter what our unique working or living contexts were, all our lives have changed dramatically since early Spring 2020 and with that has come lots of unpredictability.

Some people may have complained about their busy schedules or their routines, but these did at least provide patterns and expectations that were part of our overall mental health. Once we were in the throes of COVID-19, lots of people felt completely flooded when they lost those familiar daily routines. Instead, they found those replaced by uncertainty and a lack of structure. Stress levels spiked. As communities and individuals, to varying degrees, we’ve been tired. We’ve been confused, sad, lonely. We’ve accumulated concerns. We’ve been disconnected. We’ve reconnected, albeit in different ways. We’ve been fearful and avoidant and disoriented…and...just, “off.” I read somewhere that many of us have been experiencing – a term I like now – “cerebral congestion.”

We know through Self-Reg, and more specifically through Polyvagal Theory, that short-term stress is designed to protect us. But prolonged stress – stressors that carry on for too long or affect us too often – leads to allostatic overload. We begin to burn copious amounts of energy trying to manage and it becomes much harder to recover from that stress, therefore potentially impacting growth and development. A lack of structure and routine can exacerbate feelings of distress in some people. Our brains like what's known, what's predictable and what's within our sense of control. And we know through the science of Self-Reg that increased cortisol levels, heightened sympathetic activity paired with decreased parasympathetic activity, are all a recipe for maintaining this allostatic overload – which ultimately can lead to structural and functional changes in the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala and the hippocampus.

Examples of a few things our family has done:

• Right away at the first lockdown, my partner suggested a drive every afternoon at 2pm – for our own mental health & that of our boys – just to get outside (safely) & continue to see the world
• A weekday walk at 8am-ish before school
• A ritual during Spring Break – every day, we’d drive to try out a new cookie spot. We’d order, park the car, & try out a new cookie from each place. Just the planning of these outings became so calming for me & the actual events were something we quickly all looked forward to. (because...cookies.)
• Once we were allowed to, the boys would head to the skatepark every weekday at 3:30pm with their papa
• Weekend hikes to explore Ontario
• One of my favourite: hot chocolate every day after recess. It helped with that tricky transition time, it gave us all something to look forward to, and for me personally, it allowed me to pause in the middle of busy mornings to prep cacao from scratch.

 
Our goal isn’t to eliminate all stress; it really is to recognize and reduce unnecessary stressors and maintain available resources for facing the stress that's just simply unavoidable. We know through Self-Reg that stressors are incredibly unique to each individual and what one person finds stressful, another person might find tolerable or may be indifferent to it.

In a future post, I'll share some common stressors across the 5 domains that have affected many of us over the past year or so. Plus I'll share some of our community's examples of which routines and rituals they've found most helpful!

I often hear teachers speak about the challenges of small classrooms. Some parents also find their home area limited but they're still looking to create a sensory-friendly space or several micro-environments. Smaller spaces in classrooms, schools and homes can be more challenging to work with but they can still be set up to provide upregulating and downregulating options if they’re organized in a simple, streamlined and cohesive way. Kids do best in these space when they're explicitly taught how, when and why to use the available sensory tools. If our focus is on cultivating self-regulation, we want our children and students to learn more about themselves and what they personally need for calming down or revving up.
I created this space here a few years ago and although it's teeny tiny, I was able to include a stationary bike, some vertical sensory boards, a jumping ball, and building tools.

These types of exercise balls are a 2-for-1 and work perfectly in most spaces: they can be upregulating or downregulating, depending on needs & how they’re used.

• Jumping on the ball provides vestibular input and can be alerting.
• Gentle, rhythmic bouncing or lying over the ball on one’s belly and rocking can be soothing. Add some soothing music while the child rocks for a deeply calming experience. 
• Kids can get tons of proprioceptive input to the lower body joints, spine and legs from seated bouncing on the ball. This can feel incredibly grounding & therefore becomes a regulating experience. (Keep in mind - as always - that one size does not fit all when we're talking about sensory needs and nervous system regulation. What works for some kids doesn't work at all or provides a different experience to others. Everyone's needs are unique and so are their reactions!)

I use pictograms absolutely everywhere because they can be so universal!! What are pictos? They're clear pictures that help people visualize simple information. Paired with simple language or on their own, pictos can be used for labels, instructions, and to represent more complex information. When in doubt, as you're communicating with your own kids or students, speak less and say more! Visuals can convey a thousand words and can help to reduce frustration created by any language or processing barriers.

• Pictos - or these visual cues - promote inclusion. What’s good for one or some is often beneficial for many.
• Pictos can be helpful regardless of age, reading ability, development, or speech/language skills. They just take some of the extra auditory stimulus out of the equation & can simplify processing, allowing the child to focus all their energy on the important message or task at hand.

In smaller spaces, it can be helpful to use vertical space because there's not usually much square footage. Here, I handmade a vertical interactive sensory board that kids can use while standing or sitting on a ball. While coordinating shoulder and arm movements in that position, kids have the opportunity to improve their strength, flexibility and dexterity all at once. Hand-eye coordination and fine motor control are also targeted with these boards as kids play with locks, beads, xylophone hammers, and gears.
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We definitely made the most of every square inch of this tiny space! No corner was left strategically unused!

​In our house, we call them Bubble Fidgets because the boys think they look and feel like bubble wrap! (thank goodness they don’t sound like bubble wrap though!!) These push pop fidgets are all the rage these days with kids and I totally get it! They can be so much more than just a toy! I use sensory tools with the kids I work with and, as y’all know, we have sensory baskets with lots of choices throughout our own home. We decided to start carrying our Bubble Fidgets in the arcs.solutions Sensory Shop because we understand the well-researched benefits of fidgeting and this tool fits the bill for us: it’s discreet, quiet and can be used in a million different ways!
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Now, I’ve mentioned it’s quiet a few times but it’s worth repeating: I am suuuper sensitive to sounds and it would defeat the purpose if the sensory tools my kids gravitate towards the most were super triggering for me – so this is a great option for home, the classroom and even in the car!

Well, I'm glad you asked! Fidgeting can:

• improve focus during challenging tasks
• keep hands busy so you don’t chew nails or pick fingers
• serve to stimulate you (stay focused and on-task) or calm you down (soothe nerves and stress)
• help you become more relaxed and mindful
• help soothe anxiety and better manage emotions

 
So you can use our Bubble Fidgets to keep your hands busy but we also wanted to share a few suggestions about how to use these for interactive learning and fun!

Our 5-year-old loves stuffed animals. He has them in his bed and requests them for his birthday. He's always loved cuddling with burly bears and stuffed squid and the occasional soft, spooky stuff spider. He absolutely lovvves his weighted lizard! We play together with it most mornings in sort of tug-of-war type game that offers him plenty of sensory input on his arms and hands. He sits with the lizard during online learning sessions sometimes, choosing to have it hang limply over his shoulders or nap on his lap. And maybe most of all, our son loves to cuddle with it every night while falling asleep. Its name: Blue Love, naturally. 

I'm usually the one offering recommendations to the families I work with. I suggest routines and schedules and physical activities and games. I suggest organizational strategies and ways to build relationships and reinforce attachment. 

So I was happily caught off guard (and so, sooo excited) when one of the sweet families I work with introduced me to ThinkFun's Rush Hour a few years ago! They told me they thought it'd be right up my alley and they were absolutely right!

All of these things are involved in building healthy, adaptive and sustainable self-regulation skills!

And that's probably the thing I love the absolute most about using ThinkFun Rush Hour with students and kids: there is so much room for sequential learning, practice, perseverance, and true growth! (...also, full disclosure: I lovvve playing too and I even like to up the challenge by timing myself...)

Happy learning!

RDLeslie

Do you find yourself as a parent or teacher struggling with your child's frequent tantrums or defiance? Do you (or others) consider your kid aggressive or oppositional? In the midst of sleep deprivation or yet another meltdown, it can be far too easy to focus on a child's behavior without pausing to consider what may be fuelling it. Underneath the surface of those tantrums and aggression, your child is likely experiencing a huge range of emotions that are frequently bubbling up (and out!). By understanding the brain-body connection, we can better interpret what our child's behavior is truly communicating - whether it's sadness, loneliness, frustration, sensory issues, fear, jealousy, a learning challenge, or anything else!

​Dr. Dan Siegel coined the phrase “flipping your lid.” What does that mean?!

Under some stressful circumstances,
the prefrontal cortex or “lid”
is no longer able to manage the limbic system’s arousal.

What does that mean?
The prefrontal cortex is no longer dominant, or in charge. 
Memory, organization, impulse control, attention, and emotion regulation
are affected (and impaired) to varying degrees. 
The limbic system - or our stress responses - takes the lead.

What's the result?

• the brain’s signals get all mixed up
• communication is affected (both expressive - what we say and how we say it - and receptive - how we perceive and understand both body and verbal language)
• behavior can quickly escalate and become challenging

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Dr. Stuart Shanker created the Self-Reg framework for learning self-regulation. I work with the organization - The MEHRIT Centre in Canada - both as a consultant and teaching assistant. Self-Reg encourages parents and teachers to become “stress detectives” by digging deeper than the challenging behaviors we may see on the surface. We can examine the environment, the social and prosocial demands, and each child’s innate biological needs. Dr. Shanker reminds us: “See a child differently, you see a different child.”

We love the Hand/Brain model created by Dr. Siegel. It's an easy-to-grasp visual that's used by many respected scientists and child psychologists nowadays. I use it all the time with students, teachers and parents alike because it's so easy to make sense of! This video below - Why Do We Lose Control of Our Emotions - sums up the "flipping your lid" idea pretty well, with a focus on what happens to your child’s brain and body while under excessive stress. It's well worth a watch, either on your own or alongside your child to see what rich conversations might arise.

Wanna know how I decide when it’s time to reread some of my go-to professional books? When the post-it notes start to curl up & the pages get worn out from use, I usually reread sections or even the entire book to gauge if the research is still accurate or outdated, to determine if the key concepts still align with my personal and professional experience over the past 20 years, and to just plain jog my memory. ​

1 - ”Children do not experience our intentions[...]. They experience what we manifest in tone and behavior.” We can support our children to receive our unconditional love through the safety and connection of our relationship with them. 

2 - Attachment can be both a shield & a sword - huh? What does that mean? We become +more+ vulnerable to those we’re attached to (what they say & do matters... a lot!) & our children become -less- vulnerable in relationship to others because they can be certain and rest in the safe and secure relationship we've worked so intentionally to create with them. 

3 - "Make sure that the child does not need to work to get his needs met for contact and closeness to find his bearings, to orient. Children need to have their attachment needs satiated; only then can a shift of energy occur toward individuation, the process of becoming a truly individual person." When a child’s attachment needs are freely met - with no strings attached - they don’t need to spend energy on trying to earn approval or seek connection. That means there’s +more+ energy available for free exploration, , curiosity, independence, and learning!